Living apart together

Sociologists, they say, are stumped when it comes to explaining where this "new" quasi-marriage phenomenon is getting its head of steam. They suspect it's fear of divorce or a reluctance to "give wholly of oneself" or some such. Far be it from me to criticize the people who think they know better--nah, it's not that far from me--but I have some ideas.

In case you're not up to speed, "LAT" is where a couple acts like a couple, pooling some finances, even not seeing other people, but maintaining separate domiciles.

First, I think it's just a new spin on the old common law marriage. Once upon a time, if people just started living together, after a while folks assumed they were married. One good thing that's come out of the commercialization of our culture is the fact that there are different kinds of partnerships, and it doesn't have to be a traditional, or at least live-in, marriage, to be legit. If two people can live together, even start a family, and not share anything except what they've literally brought to the house, why not the other way around? If two people of the same sex can marry--the laws will catch up soon enough--and any two married people can not have kids, then the whole "starting a family" isn't actually important.

Subsequently, I think it's a natural outgrowth of committed relationships that would be on the cusp of shifting into the common-law-marriage gear. Two people spend a lot of time together, start seeing other people a little less often, maybe start spending the night both at one place or the other more often...after a while it should become clear that there's some potential for long-term commitment. We do need our space, though, sometimes. It takes a while to really cement things, especially in this day and age when we've finally come to appreciate how important self-actualization and autonomy are.

It makes sense to start by "welding" finances before going on to more personal things. Sure, lifestyle is pretty personal, but by this time in a relationship, that bridge is already built. Why not continue with something that's less emotion laden, albeit still important? If you start fighting then, you can still go "back to your corners" to let cooler heads prevail. People get so clouded by romance, or they willfully blind themselves with principles about lasting marriage, and they go in and it's all shock and misery and toil. They have enough work to do during the day! Let them stay on the permanent-boyfriend/girlfriend track and take things past there one step at a time. If a relationship's meant to last for a while, then there's no rush.